8.07.2007

A game of gentlemanly conduct

The Rules for Silent Football (as I remember them)

1. This is a very serious game

2. This is a very serious game

3. A group of people will arrange themselves in a circle, sitting on chairs with no arms

4. One person, (usually the one with the most experience, will be designated as the 'Commissioner'

5. This person will choose how others will refer to him/her (examples: Mr. Commissione. Mr Commissioner Sir, Madam Commissioner, etc)

6. When addressing another person in the game, the addresser will use the addressee's full name, with title (Mr., Ms, Mrs, etc)

7. The Commissioner chooses who starts.

8. The object of the game is to pass an invisible ball around the circle. There are three ways you can do this. (1) Pass - hold your neck with your right hand and point your elbow at another person in the circle. Make eye contact with them. (2) Handoff - Thwap your hand(palm) against your thigh twice (once on the downstroke and once on the upstroke). Do this on the right thigh to pass it to the person one on your right. Left thigh for the person one on your left. (3) Lateral - same as a handoff, only you thwap your thigh twice, and the ball moves to the player two seats over on the right or left (respectively).

9. The same action cannot be repeated three time in a row (e.g. person A passes, person B passes to you, you cannot pass you must lateral or handoff)

10. No noisemaking is allowed. Should a participant talk, cough, sneeze, clap(?) or start to seizure, when they are done they must follow up their noise with a polite, auditory "Whoop whoop!" Two whoops is key.

11. Laughing is never tolerated. EVER.

12. Should a participant observe ANY infraction (improper thwap, failure to whoop, laughing, improper addressing of other participants, anything) of the rules stated above, they have the option to raise their hand (slowly is properly). Should the Commissioner see the raised hand, he will call on them. They will then, after addressing the Commissioner properly, voice the infraction that they witnessed
Example:
(Betty Adams slowly raises hand)
C: Yes, Ms. Adams (or Ms. Betty Adams- either is correct), what is it?
Betty: Mr Commissioner Sir, I believe that Mr. Charles Forberg improperly thwapped his left thigh when passing the ball to his left.
C: Do we have a second?
At this point, someone has to agree, and sustain (ratify, confirm, whatever) Betty's accusation. Should someone second, the commissioner has the option to punish the offender.
Example:
(Bob ratifies)
C: I see we have a second. Yes, indeed, I agree that Mr. Forberg failed to give a full-hearted thwap. Mr. Forberg, you have one strike.
(Commissioner picks someone to start the game again)
It should be noted here that a second to a motion does not guarantee a conviction. The commissioner still has the final say. Also, yes, the commissioner can be guilty of an infraction and must fess up if confronted.

13. Once a participant has received three strikes, the group can vote to end the game, or the commissioner will impose a embarrassing action (silly song, dance, weird dare) to the person with three strikes. The offender must carry out their sentence (still no laughing allowed), and the game continues.

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