A Memory Bank of Synthetic Colors

I had a fascinating conversation with a young lady yesterday about our first respective memories. Hers was of disembarking a plane at age three and meeting being introduced to a little girl with curly red hair. I tried to think of mine? What was my first memory?

I have several, and I don’t know how to put them in chronological order.

My strongest early memory is manufactured, a situation drawn from a picture in a photo album. I was three, and we had just moved into our house in Japan. It is a simple memory, one of my family sitting on the floor next to the washing machine chowing down on corn on the cob, taking a break from moving our stuff in. But I have photograph of this, and I suspect I don’t really remember the meal on the floor at all.

My earliest memories do definitely come from that house, however. I lived there from age 3 to 5.

I have a memory of cutting pictures of cool looking motorcycles out of a magazine and keeping them in a little black metal basket. My brother did the same, and we were both adamant about the motorcycles we "owned" being unavailable for the other to have, or even hint at liking.

Another memory of breaking a glass bottle on the street, unfortunately for me, in front of my father. He made me pick all the little pieces up and throw them away.

Another memory of snatching a toy car that my brother received as a Christmas present and opening it for him, for which I was reprimanded.

A flash of a movie I saw at a baby sitter’s house of a man who drove a blue car getting chased up some stairs by a police detective. The movie terrified me, and to this day I still have no idea of the name of it.

Sneaking a scoop of margarine straight from the little plastic tub. It was gross, but the reaction it prompted from my parents was worth it.

Stealing a LEGO sword from a pile of LEGOS in a house that we visited for Christmas. None of my LEGO people had any weapons, and this kid had a ton of them. He wouldn’t miss one, right? I didn’t count on my parents knowing the entire contents of my LEGO collection as well, and they noticed when I had a new addition. Busted!

Playing Go Fish, and declaring my favorite colors were pink and purple.

My father bringing home a tiger puppet from one of his trips. Whenever he was gone for more than a few days, he always brought something back for my brother and me.

Taking a new toy home, a rubber Stegosaurus, and putting it next to my lamp on the nightstand and staring, fascinated, at the outline of it in the dark until I fell asleep.

Eating too many moyashi (mung bean sprouts) one night and throwing up into a blue plastic basin. This was the first time I remember being sick.

Being too terrified to watch the movie Benji on TV.

The first foods I vividly remember were rice, curry, and cheese tara (チーズタラ).

I remember standing at our sliding glass door in front of the concrete deck leading to our yard, staring at the pouring rain and flashing lightning and thunder. I don’t think I’ve ever been afraid of thunder.

Out of these memories, six are positive or neutral, and six are negative. Why is this division so equal? Was I aware, even at a young age, and the difference between right and wrong? The existence of good and evil? Was I conscious of a balance in life – that good and bad things happen to people regardless of their behavior? How does this affect me as a person today? Am I more likely to accept that bad things happen, or am I more likely to write off my bad behavior as inevitable? Do I accept the consequences for my behavior, should it warrant said consequences?

I do find it odd that so many of my early memories have to do with me acquiring material possessions via legal or non-legal means.  Why aren't my first memories of going places or meeting new people? 

Even from my first memories it is clear that I do things for the sake of a reaction, for shock value. My behavior wasn't so much about acquiring a physical object as it was gleaning knowledge about behavior and reactions of people. This is still largely true today, though I rarely resort to such unscrupulous means to do so.

Take that, Postmodernism!

“I'm sure this goes against everything you've been taught, but right and wrong do exist. Just because you don't know what the right answer is, maybe there's even no way you could know what the right answer is, doesn't make your answer right or even okay. It's much simpler than that. It's just plain wrong."

wrong.”

- Dr. Gregory House, M.D. 

This brilliant quote came after Dr. House had given a class of medical students a scenario involving a snakebite patient. The hypothetical patient had been allergic to the first administrated dose of anti-venom. House then made the students choose whether or not to risk giving the patient a dose of different anti-venom (still having the potential to induce another allergic reaction and possibly death), or to forgo giving the anti-venom and wait to see what happened once the first allergic reaction subsided. The class vote was split 50-50. Half the class had killed the bitten man; the other half had saved his life.

“It is in the nature of medicine that you will screw up. You will kill someone. If you can’t deal with that, find another profession…or teach.”

- Dr. Gregory House, M.D. [paraphrased]

My point is not that medicine is a tough profession – I will willingly concede that point. Rather, I want to home in on the nature of the quote; the intrinsic value in the nature of right and wrong.

Our culture today, the society that we find ourselves wrapped up in, tells us, for the most part, that we are autonomous individuals and can determine the nature of right and wrong. Yes, there are some rules and regulations imposed upon us by governing authorities, but when it comes to domestic, moral, ethical, or relationship conflicts oftentimes we are told to find our own path; more often then not a path shaped by mass media. It is society that tells us to “look out for number one”, “if it feels right, go for it”, “everybody else is doing it”, or “it doesn’t really matter that much, does it?” For the dwindling population whose parents instilled some strong moral values in them during their youth, their daily grind is a constant struggle between their convictions and popular culture’s sermon of tolerance.

The tolerant are everywhere: sexuality, religion, race, and politics. American society has become obsessed with one slogan “Sure, that may cool for you and all and I accept you regardless, but I don’t roll that way.” In contrast, I say that when we become tolerant of everything, we become tolerant of nothing. Such tolerance spreads a person too thin, so much so that they cannot possibly have strong convictions of their own if they are busy fully tolerating others. A society that propagates tolerance to this extreme degree is doomed to fail, but for the time being is kept alive by one great piece of
technology.

The Internet.

The World Wide Web has allowed people all over the world to be in constant communication with one another. Naturally, people are going to want to communicate with other people who have similar interests. The result is quite ironic: people from every corner of the earth can find a clique where they fit in. Somewhere on the Internet is a place for people who, after ritualistic severance of their left arm, enjoy building sandcastles decorated with LEGO car tires and silly string. Have no fear; the dark niche is there. The irony of the situation is that they have never touched one another, shared a pint at a pub, or been to each others' weddings. They have created relationships based on interests. Personal interests have trumped who the individual is as a person, as an emotional, spiritual, physical, and sexual being. On one hand, happiness could be felt for these people; they are connected. However on the other hand, humankind has literally come to a point in history where a plug can be pulled and a person’s entire reason for living can be erased. This is truly tragic.

Global connectivity has opened our eyes and exposed us to ideas and experiences we didn’t realize were possible. This in turn causes us to think, “Why is the way I do things the ‘right’ way to do it? Is this even right?” The intrinsic uneasy feeling that this reflexive question produces scares us, in turn causing us to isolate ourselves. Much like an island, this isolation allows us to observe and judge what’s happening around us, and in turn give those on the outside the same opportunity. We are aware of everything, yet at the same time, we ignore everything. We write others off as ‘unchangeable” or people that just need to stay the way that they are. If others really want to make the effort to swim out to our island we might accept them, but that will happen once in a blue moon. In this way we risk becoming complacent and apathetic.

Imagine that instead of this island of isolation, a striving effort was made to build bridges to reach out to others. Yes, there is an island, but the person on this island is happy to be in genuine connection with other human beings. It may take some hard work, and it may not always be worth it, but you will get a chance to see how other people set up their island, and there might be an opportunity to invite a stranger to your island for coffee. The more bridges are built, the better life will be.

But there still must be some discernment in the process of choosing suitable friends. Personal interests are fickle, easily changed from day to day and dependant on circumstances. Nowhere is this more apparent than is entertainment preferences – sadly the leading factor in determining friendship in an online culture. Therefore I am arguing that in order for real friendships to be cultivated, we must start by having some morals and standards of our own. Just because we can be connected to anyone and everyone does not mean that it is good for us. We need to seek out people that have the same values as us – people who care about the same issues. People whom we can genuinely click with on a level of character.

Often I hear people talk about wanting to find someone who is ‘real’. What does this mean? Honest? Engaging? Stable? Confident? I think to some degree all these are included in the definition, so let’s examine these traits. None of them have to do with what you watch on TV, buy from FYE, or where you hang out on the weekend. They have to do with your character.

We have now come full circle. Character is developed by taking a stand for things you believe in, which sometimes leads to conflict with others and steps all over tolerance’s toes. In order for us to suck the marrow out of life, however, character is imperative. Therefore we need to be discerning about what to tolerate. Yes, this is hard sometimes, but things that are hard usually pay off in spades in this life. For some this might mean getting off their greatest security blanket, the Internet, and going out to fumble their way through interactions with people face-to-face. You never know who you might meet. You may even get lucky and find someone who watches House, M.D. every week, just like you do.

1 Thessalonians 5:13-15

"13Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other.14And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else."

April is the month of every year with the highest number of suicides, so be nice to your neighbors. If you have an encouraging word to spare, say it.

Thank you.

-Dann

perpetual motions in A#m

tattered necktie on a rusted fence

sidewalk bricks, laid in a sequence

decrepit stone and lifeless glass

no reflection, facing sunday mass

the sixties dodge, four seats, infest

a skull tattooed on the passenger's headrest

walk the streets, past all the homes

past the graveyard, all alone

the wind in your eyes

cause the tears on your face

blowing the curtains

of the coffee shop lace

a wind eluding every gaze

nowhere to be found,

in the twisted city maze

close your eyes, let it race past

a smile on your face

you've found it at last

Car math

Imagine with me for a few minutes. I know it seems like a lot, but what I'm about to tell you will blow your mind.

Let's say that, hypothetically, you are looking for a lightly used luxury car. You visit the local dealer and select a nice 2006 Jaguar, attractively priced at $24,000. You buy this vehicle, even though Jags are unreliable and notoriously expensive to maintain. You also purchase an extended warranty so that you can budget for the inevitable repairs. This sets you back $2600 (compare to the $1300 for an '05 Nissan Altima sedan).

Now let's say that you don't have any money to put down on the vehicle; you are planning to finance the entire amount. Again, not an especially good idea. With tax, title and tag fees, you total will come to something like $28,000, meaning that you are effectively paying $4000 over sticker price. Should you pull out the drive and get broadsided by a deer going 55mph, insurance would cover the value (twenty-four grand) of the car, leaving you with a debt of four grand on a car you can no longer drive.

The financing contract has arrived and, look!, you got an interest rate of 13% (low is 4.85%, with the middle-of-the-road being 8.2%) over 72 months! Congratulations! Two-thousand dollars of your hard-earned cash will be spent every year paying off interest on the car payment (already an impressive $560 a month)! By the time you pay your car off in full, you will have given the bank twelve-thousand extra dollars. You altruist, you.

What does the final picture look like? To get the car you so desperately "need", you have decided that you will pay, in the end, close to $41,000 for an originally-$24,000 vehicle. Oh, and you can't get hit by anything in the next six years. That would be bad. 


Now imagine this really happened. Today.

2007: A Recap

2007 was a good year. A great year. Like all years it had ups and downs, but I am not a person who dwells on the unpleasant memories.

Things I did in 2007:

-Got my first A in college
-Had the best kiss of my life
-Blacked out from alcohol consumption for the first time
-Had my first cigarette and cigar
-Fell in love with David Bowie
-Learned how to play Guitar Hero
-Posted my first YouTube video
-Bought my first car
-Added over 150 new cds to my collection
-Entered the workforce full time
-Bought a guitar
-Sold the guitar
-Got a keyboard
-Installed Leopard after the Mac BSOD
-Fell in love with Pan's Labyrinth
-Gave up video games
-Had Christmas away from my family
-Didn't watch 300
-Attended an awesome wedding
-Watched my brother graduate
-Saw Vernon Reid live
-Fell in love with Scrabble
-Went through three iPods
-Bought clothing for a dog
-Started writing
-Got addicted to Qwantz.com
-Saw My Brightest Diamond live
-Started this blog
-Packed up my life in Japan

The Super Great Car-Finding Saga Extravaganza - Part Three

(The title of this blog is not pretentious at all)

So I realize that Part Three has been extremely slow in the making/writing/publishing, but there is a reason for this! I have been lazy. Yes, I realize that it is not a good reason, but it IS a reason. We last left off where I had called the nice salesman trying to sell me a Jaguar with a faulty instrument panel and sagging headliner (gross!), and I was left with very few leads on potential cars to buy. As fate would have it, however, my future car was closer to me that I had realized. Because of the nature of my work I am constantly gassing up cars at a local gas station. I go there, no joke, about four times a day. I had seen a older model black Nissan 300ZX sitting on the lot with a for-sale sign in the window but it was priced at a bit more than I was willing to spend. One Monday I casually mentioned it to one of the guys working at the station.

"That's a nice Z sitting out there."

"Yeah man, it's been there for a while. Just can't seem to sell it, which is a shame, because the guy would sell it for less than that price, too."

My ears perked up.

"How much less?"

He quoted me a significantly lower number. I was hooked. Apparently the guy who was selling it needed money for Vegas "bad", and just wanted to unload the car. It had a brand new inspection, new battery, and was ridiculously clean inside and out. It had a 3.0L V6 (a big engine for a car only weighing 2000kg), a five speed automatic tranny, leather seats, heated mirrors, power drivers seat, new tires, and an aftermarket Alpine CD system. The guy told me to come back on Wednesday and talk to the guy who was selling it for his buddy. I showed up at the station around 10am on Wednesday with a large amount of cash in an envelope, talked to the other guy who told me to go down the road to ASC Title and Tags to get a license plate and temporary registration and transfer ownership of the car. I had to work from 12:30, so I booked it down to the title place, filled out the paperwork, and got a new plate. Luckily I had my checkbook with me, because I had forgotten all about the tag and title fees which turned out to be about $100. I rushed back up to the gas station, handed over the money for the car, put on my plate, and drove off to work. I had one of the technicians at my job look at the car for me, because I know next to nothing about cars or engines or anything.

For those of you wondering - yes, I bought the car without ever driving it or even sitting in it.

The tech recommended I get a whole new rear suspension system (which makes sense considering the stock suspension was now 20 years old) and new front brake rotors. I had the work done and now my car is running awesomely. More importantly, I HAVE a car, and did not get ripped off by some guy trying to offload a junker. My car has a few quirks (no passenger side mirror, for example), but overall it runs fantastically well.

Look out world, I am going to drive home now.

Using vinyl and USB drives for the distribution of music: Revolutionary?

CD sales have been dropping every year, and fingers are pointing at every imaginable source. Internet piracy, legal download sources such as iTunes, and internet streaming could potentially to blame, but who can get accurate figures on that data? Surprisingly, vinyl is on the rise, courtesy of the nostalgia factor,the more tangible medium, warmer sound, and supposed better audio quality. A few indie bands have steadily been releasing their album in the vinyl format as well as cd, but distribution has generally been limited to indie record stores, live shows, and online catalogs. This however, is about to change.

I am a huge supporter of the record replacing the CD, and I would love to own records and have all the benefits of the vinyl medium. The huge album cover for more creative art, the feeling of placing the record on a turntable, setting the needle, and listening to the warm, popping sound of the latest effort by my favorite band drifting across the room. Records are just cool.

The main obstacle in the way of the vinyl revolution is the difficulty in converting the record to digital files playable by your favorite digital media browser. USB turntables are still expensive, and generally are not suited for both good audio playback and conversion. The ability to have easy access to the music in digital form will be a big factor in vinyl overtaking CDs in terms of distribution and sales. My suggested options? I have two.

1. Bundle a memory card with the vinyl album with the files preloaded. For the audiophiles who require the digital files to be FLAC in the best quality available, at least 800-900MB of space will be required. Therefore, 1GB SD cards would be the best choice. These cards are priced as low as $5.99, and the more accessible 1GB USB drives start as low as $9. Keep in mind that these are retail prices, and would probably be available for two or three dollars cheaper when bought in bulk or wholesale. If the actual vinyl album could be sold for $9 and bundled with a $6 USB drive containing the digital files, the total is a very reasonable $15. I really think people would pay for this.

2. Another option is for the music industry to sell the records by themselves and include a online way to download the files, using either the label's own dedicated server or even via a online service already in place, such as a redeemable iTunes gift. This could be a cheaper option, though obviously not everyone who buys music will have the means to download an entire album, either because of a slow internet connection or a lack of a computer altogether. Still, this would be the most convenient option for most music consumers, as the trend of getting all of one's music from online sources is growing exponentially with every passing year.

Personally, though, while I do support this growing trend of vinyl, I would decline to join the movement for one simple reason - I travel a lot, and plan to move a great deal. I would not even consider packing up a heavy record collection and fragile turntable and moving it every time I feel the need to have a change of scenery. Being able to put 200 CDs in a box that I can easily lift is something I care about a great deal. I support music, I pay for my music, but I do not like having to transport my music.

Having said that: Kick ass, vinyl! I'll be busy downloading.